Lately, I REALLY just don't know. Sometimes I'm completely convinced I'm losing my mind. The only thing keeping me grounded are my babies. I feel like things are spinning out of control. And maybe I'm a control freak...a lil OCD...I'll be the first to admit it. Josh's Army career is coming to an end so quickly. I'm terrified of the next 6 months. So many changes. I'm not at all ready to move to Kansas.
And then there's Josh...all together.
I hate the way he makes me feel. Like I'm nothing. I give so much and I feel like my feelings don't matter. Like I don't matter. OH...tell me I'm silly...tell me it's all in my head...tell me you love me and want me and are sexually attracted to me to the point of no return...blah blah blah...
I've heard it. It's the way you make me feel that matters. And I feel like I'm NOTHING to you.
The love of my life...
I'm so out of it. My mom's fiasco on my birthday of all days. "Hey! I'm MOM OF THE YEAR! I tried to slit my wrists on my daughter's BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR FUCKING LIFE!" Oh...I was so blessed with sanity running through my genes. Which is why I'm soooooo very GRATEFUL for my father. THE part of me that keeps me from drowning is him....it came from him! And I love him everyday for it!
Ugggggg! Sometimes I just need to vent.
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